The Surprising Result of Confronting the Racist Uncle

This story has a happy ending…sort of

I am not a confrontational person. Put me in a group of people and I will automatically measure and consider how every word out of my mouth is likely to land. I have very strong opinions but I am cautious in when and where I voice them.

I’m loosening up as I age but that’s a story for another day. This story takes place in my 20s when I was still young and a lot more insecure.

I was a newlywed and we were visiting my in-laws for the holidays. There were about 20 people sitting around in the living room chatting after dinner. It was an all-white crowd, unlike the family I grew up in.

Conversations swirled around me of things I had little interest in. I was still very much an outsider in this group and felt my position keenly.

“I have a funny story,” my husband’s uncle said. He was a quiet sort who usually let others do the talking so everyone turned to listen on the rare occasions he did speak up.

He then proceeded to tell the most awful, blatantly racist joke I had ever heard. As I sat there stunned my entire body began to shake. Surely someone was going to stop him. Surely someone would speak up. Tension lit up every inch of my body as I realized it was going to be me. I was the someone.

I waited for him to finish. There was polite but subdued laughter further infuriating me.

“That was very racist,” I said standing up. “You do realize I have a Black sister?” The room was deathly silent as I pushed past the relatives in folding chairs and went up the stairs to the bedroom we were staying in.

I was so angry I couldn’t even cry at first. I was angry at him for finding the joke funny in the first place, for thinking it was a good idea to share it, for being racist. I was angry at everyone in the room for not stopping him. I was angry about the polite laughter. I was angry that I was the only one who said something.

I was angry at myself for adding in the bit about having a Black sister. Who cares if I have a Black sister? I don’t need to be offended for the sake of someone else. Racism isn’t acceptable no matter who is or isn’t in the room.

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