What to Do If You Are Afraid to Fall in Love Again

After a heartbreak, loving again seems daunting.

I told myself “Next time I fall in love, it will be with someone deserving of me.” The problem with this mindset is that if I keep it up, I don’t see myself accepting anyone, not in a long time.

It’s crazy. Even when I want something or find someone with most qualities I seek in a partner, I still do not have the courage to let them in.

I was 17 when I had my first crush. We dated for a while until we got bored of each other. My first love taught me strength and prowess, but then it burned my self-esteem along the way. Since then, I have stuck with a strict rule never to love again.

But our human heart can be fickle. Despite my walls, my fragile heart cracks up when I meet a handsome and intelligent man.

When I first got heartbroken at age 23, I was a mess. I remember lying in bed feeling like the world was over or maybe I was going to die. Despite being emotionally abused, It wasn’t easy letting go of the happy memories.

I lived in denial for a while, waiting for him to come around. At a point, I gave up after a series of on-and-off reconciliations. I convinced myself that love wasn’t worth the headache.

My heart healed, but my head didn’t. I moved on and fell in love again. With a dose of happy hormones and dopamine flowing through my veins, I quickly throw any worries I had about being heartbroken again.

Then the terrible heartbreak inevitably came. This time I didn’t break. It was as if I was waiting for it to happen. When I look back on my teens and many failed relationships, I can’t help but notice a repeated pattern.

First, I get all touchy and loving. We become inseparable, then the buzz suddenly dies. I receded to believe that love is just a fairytale. It isn’t real because there is no one perfect for making love sustainable.

As much as I wanted to believe that love doesn’t exist, a part of me knows there is more to my fear of love than I admit. So I set myself on a path to find out why I am so afraid of falling in love and how to overcome my fears.

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